I have tried for the last couple weeks to blog but every time I click on "new post" and stare at the empty screen I lose all motivation. Maybe it is from lack of sleep, or maybe my brain is fried from too much late night television and I just can't bring myself to make out complete sentences. Or maybe because I have too much to blog about, that is seems so overwhelming.
Whatever the reason, I am posting now. And yes I am also watching Conan.
So now for an update.
Mckay is now over a MONTH old. With each baby time seems to slip away so much faster than the last. Maybe that is because more of my day is spent wiping bottoms, faces, and hands, kissing "owies" better, and explaining for the 100th time in a day the reason "why?". Also, Mckay has been such a different experience for us. Both Kennedy and Levi were very healthy babies. The labors were easy and without complication. Not the case with Mckay. the labor was...Well, it was. The first night home with Mckay was not much better. I was reading a book to Kennedy that night and I heard Judd screaming my name over and over. I thought to myself "good grief, be patient man". I got up and walked out of Kennedy's room, and there at the door stood Judd holding Mckay who was pale and covered in throw up. He wasn't breathing. I grabbed him from Judd, ran to his room and started suctioning his mouth out with the bulb syringe (aka"booger-sucker"). Thank you Army medic training for the quick reaction. Judd had been walking past his room and heard him gagging so he grabbed him. After he started breathing normally I just held him and sobbed. I was so tired from... well, everything. There are no words to describe the fear and sadness of knowing that you could have lost a child. None. The thoughts that ran through my head: what if Judd hadn't heard him?, what if we had been sleeping, if.. If. I didn't sleep that night. I had Judd move his crib into our room so I could have him right by me. I woke up to even the slightest sounds, and when I would fall asleep I would jerk awake from dreams of Mckay choking. It took a few days for me to calm down enough to feel comfortable just using the baby monitor at night.
At McKay's 2 week check up the doctor found a heart murmur and sent us straight to the cardiologist. We were at the hospital doing tests that day from noon until 5. After the 12 lead EKG the doctor came in and listened to his heart. He said "there are normal and abnormal murmurs. his falls into the category of abnormal." My heart sank. I began to wonder if I somehow caused this... After all I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 2 months along. I was working out like crazy, and I'm pretty sure I was eating sushi :).. All the little things I had done started running through my mind. We then went into another room for an ultrasound of his heart. I was prepared for the worst since the doctor had already told me he had a hole through his ventricle septum. After watching his little heart beat in black and white wondering what went wrong the doctor came in to look at a few structures more closely. He then said that he has a hole between his atria which is normal for babies, but is supposed to close within the first 24 hours after birth. On top of that he had a "kinked" left pulmonary artery, which is actually what was causing the murmur. Both, he said, should hopefully heal without intervention. We just have to watch him very closely for signs of heart failure or difficulty breathing. They'll continue to monitor his heart at his checkups, and if nothing changes within 6 months they are going to talk about what our options are.
Breath. Pictures. Change of subject.
|I love baby feet :)|
|During the ultrasound|
this so I am pretty proud of myself.
|On the days we stay inside we find ways of entertaining ourselves. Tortilla chips anyone?|
Here was the best part of Halloween for me:
|When we first put our chicken into his costume... Not too happy.|
|Off to preschool as a "dinosaur t-rex" She informs Judd that Dinosaurs can open doors. My sister made this costume. I love hand me downs.|
|Jameson and Kennedy|
|Our spooktacular (literally) last minute trunk or treat decorations. We went to the dentist before hand so I used their dental floss to hang them. Yes, I am resourceful.|